downcast eyes


on your journey, i will bless you...

...and you will be a blessing

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Rebecca was warned. Nevertheless, #shepersisted.
trembling hand

We're now two weeks into the new software system (VC) at work. Maybe if I post about it here, I'll be able to look back someday and laugh about how trivial it all turned out to be... but it's hard to believe that now. I keep telling myself that I'm doing the best I can, and that's all that matters. I keep telling myself that I cannot hold myself to my old OP standards. Maybe I need to print that out and tape it to the wall next to computer.

Today was especially rough. This time, the shipping software inexplicably stopped working, and I had to spend most of the morning on the phone with their tech support. At some point, I said to A---, "I don't think I'll ever be good at this again." He didn't contradict me. A------ got ugly when I called her out for spending so much time on her phone. (Which I don't enjoy doing, but how obnoxious is it to sit there and stare at her phone right in front of me, when she knows I'm busy as fuck?) Despite staying over an hour late, there was still a pile of work on my desk waiting to be done when I left. Boss-Man brought some grocery bags into work for me, and when I didn't thank him for it (I didn't know who they were from), I swear I heard him mutter rude things about me under his breath. I try to think I only imagined that, because it was pretty low for him (and boy, I'd just love to see how he'd react if he ever heard me muttering under my breath). The ironic thing is that I once admonished Boss-Man for swearing so much at work. Now, I spend all day screaming curses at this new program.

It feels more and more obvious that Boss-Man hates me. Maybe he senses how much I've come to hate this job. (I used to like it, but then, I used to know what the hell I was doing.) He's had problems with my tone and my expression. Once I accidentally smiled when he was talking about something serious, and boy, was that a big. deal. But he doesn't know how much shit I can put up with. I spent my entire childhood being raised as the least favorite child. I can sure as fuck cope with being the least favorite employee.

We gladly feast on those who would subdue us.
Not just pretty words.


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